FRED REED: A Diagnostic Letter To Our Euro-Peon Vassals, Who Are Dumber Than The Better Class Of Nematode

Britain,Democracy,Economy,Energy,EU,Europe,FRED REED,Free Markets,Intelligence,Russia


European countries aren’t real countries, says Fred. They have American occupation troops and military bases everywhere, uncouth foreign soldiers drinking [their] beer, diddling [their] daughters—Italian ones are best; English girls are often mistaken for dead—and letting Massuh Washington blow up their energy sources

BY FRED REED* (posing with a European)

Well, I declare. I hear you Europeans bleating and hollering about how unfair life is and you don’t have gas to keep warm if it gets cold in winter, which generally it does, and everything costs too much. Fact is, you deserve it. To be honest, which we journalists sometimes do, I think it’s amusing. It’s like watching a man beating his thumb with a hammer and saying, oh ouch, oh ouch, it hurts, oh ouch, it hurts and can’t figure out why. It’s because Europeans are so easily led, managed, dominated by the fetid Yankee Rome in Washington, which regards you as trained seals. I’ve known fire plugs, even toaster ovens, more intelligent than you are.

You poor widdle fings! You aren’t even real countries. You can’t be a real country when you have American occupation troops and military bases everywhere and uncouth foreign soldiers drinking your beer and diddling your daughters. GIs tell me the Italian ones are best, with English girls often being mistaken for dead. I couldn’t stand the humiliation, but Europeans are a resilient people.

Really, it’s a cackle. Mornings, I fire up the computer to see what you  squirming servile dwarves have done now. You are better than Monty Python. Think. Ten years ago you were all peaceful and had plenty of cheap Russian gas and your factories were humming like contented cats and you were buying stuff from Russia and selling it I don’t know what all. Then Master Washington says you have to push the Ukraine toward NATO. You dim twits need Ukraine in NATO like you need a corn cob where the sun don’t shine but Europe is servile by nature, so you say, “Yass, Bwana! What you say, Boss! Which boot we lick first, Massuh?”

I see a bull market for flavored boot polish. Brussels would buy trainloads.

Anyway, Russia says over and over and over, If Washington tries to put NATO in Ukraine, dey gonna be wah. Even a European, or some anyway, could understand this. Or maybe, with help from a caring adult. But Massuh Washington wanted wah, and told you to keep pushing, “Yass, Bwana,” and you didn’t listen to Putin, because you are dumber than retarded possums and belong in diapers. What children you are. Nanny nanny booboo.

This is wonderfully funny, and I am enjoying it outrageously. You are going to freeze. Good. It’s a hoot but it’s a Darwin thing too. It’s good for the world when a region with the aggregate IQ of inbred bacteria eliminates itself. Well, except for the Italian girls for the GIs. We’ll keep those. You are going to freeze solid like terra cotta soldiers or burn your houses to keep warm and your farmers will grow scrawny underweight plants because you cut off fertilizer and gas from Russia to show your devotion to your stern Potomac Father. It’s comic. You are so stoopid! When American proconsuls go to Brussels your anointed European butt-sniffers rush out to be patted on the head and, or so I hear, receive suitcases of money. How dignified.

But the funniest part was blowing up the pipelines. Yes. See, Washington couldn’t let Germany, the only potentially serious country in Europe, except it really isn’t one, trade with Russia and China. So it gets the war going in Ukraine, easy with malleable European dimwits, and then…blows up the pipelines! Simple, direct, and effective. The amusing thing is that everyone in Brussels knows perfectly well that America did it, as must every European with the IQ of a doorknob, but none of you weak sisters has the dangling ellipsoidals to say so, because then you would have to do something about it, and you are scared unto death of the United States. Of which the United States is well aware and so, reasonably, holds you in contempt. I do too. I mean doesn’t everybody?

So some silly woman in Belgium—Ursula Borderline or something, anyway a scrawny blonde who looks like she really needs a sandwich—yaps from under the sofa that doing bad things to Europe’s energy infrastructure is “unacceptable,” Grr, bowwow, woof. But sweetheart, you poor, dumb monument to pusillanimous inadequacy, of course it is acceptable. You are accepting it, aren’t you? You know who did it, Washington knows you know, but you will look studiedly puzzled while Washington chuckles inwardly. Europeans are so gelatinous, so weak, so negligible.

I mean, seriously. Suppose you admitted that America did it. What could you poor dears do about it? Nothing. NATO controls Europe. What do you think those bases are for? And Washington is NATO. You wouldn´t dare close even the smallest US base, or even a closet door in one. Haha! Freeze, baby, freeze.

So, suckers, you’ve been taken for a ride by experts. And America makes out like a bandit. Washington tells you who you can trade with, and you obey, yass, Bwana, what you say. America gets to sell you overpriced LNG (liquefied natural gas). You will meekly buy uberbillions of costume-jewelry weapons from America. Your dependence on the US approaches outright ownership. Without cheap Russian gas, electricity will be really pricey and your factories will close or maybe go offshore to America and Europe will get in touch with its inner backwater. Hey, it’s a giggle.

England is America’s most devoted camp follower, a political barnacle firm glued to the ship of the Yankee state, making international noises in an effort to pretend it is more than an American poodle. (You may be wondering how it is possible to be a poodle and a barnacle at the same time. Multiple personality disorder, maybe.) From Brexit we went to endless Truss ads. Now we are back to the standby, hissing at Russia. Yass, Massuh.

You think you are defending democracy, doing something about human rights and, you know, having values or something. No, halfwits, you are helping Washington cut you off from the world’s largest markets. Yes, children. As the rest of Eurasia grows like Topsy, as the center of gravity of technology and economy moves eastward, America will pillage you as you pillaged most of the world and turn you into a peninsular homeless shelter.  You will be all grateful to Massuh Washington for saving you from the evil Putin monster who was about to conquer all of Europe and turn you into slaves or robots or something else bad. You will buy lots of dysfunctional fighter planes.

And you will crawl. It is your way.



Buy Fred’s Books! Solidly Built. You can squash bugs with them.


FRED REED describes himself as [previously] a “Washington police reporter, former Washington editor for Harper’s and staff writer for Soldier of Fortune magazine, Marine combat vet from Viet Nam, and former long-haul hitchhiker, part-time sociopath, who once lived in Arlington, Virginia, across the Potomac River from the Yankee Capital.”
His essays “on the collapse of America” Mr. Reed calls “wildly funny, sometimes wacky, always provocative.”
“Fred is the Hunter Thompson of the right,” seconds Thomas E. Ricks in Foreign Policy magazine. His  commentary is “well-written, pungent political incorrectness mixed with smart military commentary and libertarian impulses, topped off with a splash of Third World sunshine and tequila.”



Killer Kink

Hardboiled is back! (The exclamation point is to arouse wild enthusiasm in the reader, a boiling literary lust.) Gritty crime fiction by longtime police reporter for the Washington Times, who knows the police from nine years of riding with them. Guaranteed free of white wine and cheese, sensitivity, or social justice.

*Image: Our author, Fred Reed, poses with a European. 

27 thoughts on “FRED REED: A Diagnostic Letter To Our Euro-Peon Vassals, Who Are Dumber Than The Better Class Of Nematode

  1. GrumpyOldTimer

    I can hardly type I am laughing so hard. One of your best ones everr, Fred. I guess i can’t reallyy type, too damn funnnny.

  2. Jokem

    I don’t agree with you Fred. I don’t like the idea of the USA meddling in the business of other countries, but with technology enhancing the speed of warfare, when trouble starts with the scale it is in Ukraine, it can spiral out of control fast and end up on the USA’s doorstep.

  3. Daddio7

    Russia, 6.6 million sq miles but must, must have a buffer in the west from NATO. No one, NO…ONE has ever successfully invade Mother Russia. So they are breaking their backs trying to regain control of the Ukraine. Soundly defeated by a few irregulars and their American toys. Now it is full court press with hundreds of thousands of troops and the threat of nuclear war.

  4. Tom

    I don’t always agree with you (like this time) but I always enjoy how you say it. In this case i don’t think you were cynical enough.

  5. BlueWaterSailor

    Gotta give props to ol’ Fred here – no matter whether he’s coupling “HATE America grrrRRF BOW-WOW” with “Yay, Mexico!” or with “Yay, China!” or now (sycophantically, sickeningly) with “Yay, Putin!”, he is at least consistent in hating America. Nice to know that some things never change.

    By the way, Fred: those “world’s largest markets”? The entire economic value of the Russian stock market is smaller than that of Apple alone. If you’re going to be a treasonous, lying, hate-filled poltroon, at least try paying attention. Your paymasters may not care or notice – after all, even with the ruble crashing, a cheap prostitute is still cheap – but your readers just might.

  6. King

    One of the best and most accurate piece Fred has ever written! The whole Ukraine disaster is nothing but money laundry and looting scheme amplified. What is interesting is the pentagon admitting they want to use Ukraine as a place for Russia to bleed regardless of the cost for Ukrainian people and the cost to US tax payers.

  7. Zhao

    Hi Fred,

    Even as a Gringo who lived in Italy for more than a decade and have friends there that I care about, I also often think the Western Europeans should enjoy their folly served cold.

    I can’t say that I see any difference in the suicidal refusal to acknowledge reality that is prevalent in the US. Even we US citizens (or is it “residents” now?) will not say the words in public to describe what is for the fear of attracting the wrath of the TechnoState of Supreme Woke Violent Nihilism.

    Citizens of the imperial core also know how to clamp the iron collars and chains around our own necks and to hope pathetically for a few crumbs and fewer beatings from the Massah that resides in all our heads.

    I’m glad your words found a new home. May you stay a while.

  8. Jim Christian

    Celebrating the destruction of hundreds of millions of Europeans who have no say? The EU, NATO and Biden admin is ruled by 200 or 300 elites that put those hundreds of millions in that position. While you sit in Mexico and throw these screeds from a position of safety? For God’s sake Fred, I wish you’d stop being the guy I always knew you were 45 years ago back in DC. This is distinctly unseemly. Even for you. Now go ahead, delete this post.

  9. MichaelWme

    The West have won the narrative. Russian and PRC sources are blocked, worldwide, and one only reads the Western narrative: The Ukrainians, with advanced US weapons, destroyed the entire Russian invasion force with their “outmoded and inept” Soviet-era weapons. The few Russian survivors avoid the Ukraine military and shell civilian homes, schools, and hospitals, doing a lot of damage, but the Ukrainians are advancing rapidly now and will soon have cleansed the Ukraine of the last Russian. Russia must pay reparations, so all those US oil and gas properties that the Russians stole must be handed over to their rightful owners, US oil and gas barons, who will restart the flow of oil and gas to Europe (but at greatly increased prices to cover their costs), and will do so very soon, and anyone can stand a few weeks of cold showers to save Democracy and Freedom. Western reporters can see the Ukraine very clearly from New York, London, Paris, and Berlin, much more clearly than those reporters actually in the Donbass who can’t see the obvious, that Russia have been completely destroyed both militarily and economically.
    Instead, the reporters actually in the Donbass see the Russians defeating the Ukrainians and the Russian economy doing very well in spite of the sanctions, with the ruble the strongest world currency in 2022.
    Those reporters in the Donbass, and Mr Reed, do not see the obvious, that Putin ordered Russia to destroy the pipeline that cost Russia $billions to build, and did so by Top Secret methods since Germany control the area that was destroyed and do not allow Russians to get anywhere close to the pipeline, but allow US military vehicles–ships, planes, helicopters, and armed drones–free access, so the only nation with means, motive, and opportunity is the US, but the US, while they promised to quickly destroy the pipeline a few months ago, now say the Russians did it, and everyone must accept the US version of everything. Or else.

  10. roberto

    This article certainly attracted a bunch of trolls. The truth hurts.

  11. Jack Lawson

    Spot on! Different time and different place on the planet… but the same meddling shytte as was done by Massuh Washington to Rhodesia and South Africa in Africa…
    Go Fred… Go!
    Jack Lawson
    Associate Member, Sully H. deFontaine Special Forces Association Chapter 51, Las Vegas, Nevada
    Author of the “Civil Defense Manual,” “The Slaver’s Wheel,” “A Failure of Civility,” “And We Hide From The Devil” and “In Defense.”
    “Whenever there is a jackboot stepping on a human face, there will be a well-heeled Western Liberal to explain that the face does, after all, enjoy free health care and 100% literacy” – John Derbyshire
    From Jack Lawson… an American in 1RLI Support Commando and attached to Rhodesian “C Squadron” SAS Africa 1977-79

  12. Jokem

    DADDIO7 – NO…ONE has ever successfully invade Mother Russia.

    Gengis Khan?

  13. Not Convinced

    Such a fun read. I remember reading about all of the wars the various clans, tribes and states of the continent and isles were involved in from recorded history. And then Massa shows up in 1917 and helps the feuding take on a whole new reality. Not having figured out the new plantation structure Massa shows em what is what in WWII at Nagasaki and Hiroshima. I guess your point is that Europe would be better off without Massa, maybe so. Those little wars of relatively limited damage, death and length must seem like the good ole days. Massa’s assembly line war and morality shtick is so dreary and predictable, yet agonizing. However, since the last world war those little fiefdoms have not stabbed, shot, garroted or bombed each other, yet. Maybe Massa had something to do with that?

  14. Texas Fred

    Well I’m not an engineer, but I’ve made good living fixing broke stuff for a long time. As a result I’ve accumulated a bunch of esoteric knowledge in a lot of fields. There’s a theory floating around the internet that the damage was caused by differences in gas pressures causing methane hydrated plugs to break loose and move towards the low pressure end at a high velocity. And the lack of steerability and speed control led to disaster in the first corner…
    Like I said, I’m not an engineer, just an old man who’s seen a thing or two and caught a few liars and thieves over the years.
    I do know the following facts:
    The American government lies regularly with impunity.
    The Russian and Ukrainian governments are less than reliable ethically. As is our little cesspool on the have Potomac.
    I personally don’t have a dog in that hunt.
    Different people in different places are attempting to play geopolitical chess. They are unimpressive…
    But it is a possibility that the pipes failed because of some idiot following orders issued by somebody who knew nothing about hydrocarbon transport under pressure… Never underestimate an idiot.

  15. apiarian


    You are correct. Lots of people voice anger and hatred against the “empire”, but then proceed to be happy and jovial about the shit storm coming to innocent people. Think this Fred guy is a great writer and quite funny, but he also comes off as quite an entitled douchebag at the same time.

  16. Texas Redneck

    Having never channeled it before, I dusted off the ol’ inner feral, adolescent West Virginian boy persona I had lyin’ around, and—viola!—I shore could SEE the way you’re figgerin’ old Europe’s position (no pun intended), Mr. Reed! And, MY, it IS indeed hilarious: the image of tired, old Europe—bent over, with her skirt all hiked up—doin’ her duty for the dirty, debauched U.S. of A—in long-sufferin’ silence…ha HAAAA!!


    …But at the risk of gittin’ labeled a turd in the “Punchbowl-o-Yocks,” it’s just gittin’ plum hard to not wind up dad-burned, plain demoralized by this latest mess of nasty goings-on the U.S. done up and got itself tangled in…


    The way I figger it, even though they go hollerin’ in the streets a lot more than yer standard-issue Yank, yer average EU citizen has just as much—prolly less, actually—say-so than the average ‘Murkin Joe. And now, having gotten with the times and caught-up with the U.S., them no-good, yellow-bellied, Davos-type, U.S.-bootlickin’ lapdogs in charge of the EU are fire-hosin’ today’s New & Improved (Now with EU-flavored B.S.!) Propaganda®™ at their own kinfolk.

    I guess I’m just sayin’ them EU folk have turned just as REE-tarded as us Yanks, with regular, every day folk screwed…not knowin’ no better. Ain’t their fault neither. It’s them no-count EU “leaders” who done took over the EU who—if this world was right—would be freezin’ they asses off this winter.

    I’m just a not-very-bright Texas Gringa who ain’t so good with world politics and war strategy. But I’m purty sure we shouldn’ta blowed up them pipelines. And NATO shore had no business gittin’ the Rooskies boxers in a knot trying to move in new management on their former boondocks trailer park, out yonder in the YOO-kraine.

    I guess I’m more inclined to cry for them regular folk in the EU than laugh because they lookin’ by-and-by a lot more like us….and I cain’t see no humor in that happenin’ to no one… It’s as unseemly as fergittin’ to add coleslaw to yer hot dogs.

  17. Tennessee Budd

    Apiarin @ 0523:
    Ah, yes, ‘entitled’–the eternal complaint of the envious.

  18. apiarian

    Not sure what there is to be envious about. Already stated the author seems to be very gifted in writing as well as comedy.
    Within the last couple yrs people seem to talk a bunch of shit about the evils of the world while at the same time making fun of people who are the victims of the current powers that be. Doesn’t make much sense to me. People did the same thing in regards to the vaccines. People got all butt hurt when they felt the mainstream news was wishing death upon the unvaccinated then a few months later the unvaccinated are wishing death upon the vaccinated.

    Author just rubbed me wrong when I read this. I probably shouldn’t have commented with my original comment. Anyway hope we ALL make it through this…

  19. Jokem

    APIARIAN – ‘Within the last couple yrs people seem to talk a bunch of shit about the evils of the world while at the same time making fun of people who are the victims of the current powers that be.’

    It is easy to fall into this mind set when you see the way things are going in the world. Ron Paul said something to the effect that it is hard to spend any time in Congress without becoming a true cynic.

  20. Yuri Maltsev

    There is nothing to seriously critique here as everything is intellectual garbage. This post is as paleolibertarian as I am an emperor of China.

  21. Yuri Maltsev

    I am sure that Reed does not collect anything from Putin, but he writes as he does. “Useful idiot”? “Useless”? I don’t care much. And vulgarity is coming through the roof. I don’t want to cite examples as I am having breakfast.

  22. Jokem


    So, when are you going to reclaim your Empire?

  23. viraj shah

    Epic Article Fred, still on top of your game.
    Welcome to India or China anytime, where we know what to say to washington.

  24. Jojo

    Was this meant to be sarcasm? You’re supposed to include a /s tag if so.

    If not sarcasm, then go ahead and keep alienating everyone Fred. But where you gonna go when the USA subsumes Mexico and divides it up into new states. You know this is inevitable. It’s the only way to deal with illegals. Make them legal!

    As to Ukraine, sounds like you are advocating for Ukraine to just bend over and take it from Putin so that everyone can get back to having cheap gas. Not going to happen!
    NATO sets sights on rebuilding Ukraine’s defense industry
    “It’s about shifting away from Soviet equipment,” one NATO official said.
    10/12/2022 08:22 AM EDT

    BRUSSELS — NATO is developing a 10-year plan to rebuild the Ukrainian defense industry, with the first meeting between the alliance and Kyiv slated for next week.

    The meeting will be the start of a long process hinted at for weeks by U.S. and NATO officials of a long-term commitment to Ukraine to bring it closer to the alliance in both training and equipment.

    “We will be looking at defense planning requirements to get Ukraine fully interoperable with NATO,” said a senior NATO official who asked not to be named due to ground rules for speaking to reporters during alliance meetings in Brussels this week. “It’s about shifting away from Soviet equipment … to NATO-compatible Western equipment.”

  25. April

    Why doesn’t anyone question Putin’s asserted “fear” over Ukraine joining NATO? He is next door to it elsewhere, and how has it harmed Russians (excepting their neo- imperialistic fantasies?) When has NATO previously invaded Russia (like RU has smitten Ukrainians for no particular reason)? WTH????

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