Fantasy though it is, Steven Spielberg’s magnificent thriller, Jaws, is still a better Guide For The Perplexed on shark behavior than the “experts.” Using anthropomorphism (the practice of attributing human characteristics to an animal), not reason, the shark seers insist that this perfectly designed killing machine prefers feasting on fish than on folks. (“Too tough and chewy,” says a spokesfish for the shark community. “The attacks in the Florida Panhandle were carried out by two rogue members of our society.”) Let’s see: isn’t the alleged feeding preference of sharks a consequence of there being more fish in the sea than people? Hmm… And so we hear that the two teens who were recently savaged were either mistaken for seals or were perceived by Jaws to be jostling for his food supply. (“This is a turf war,” said the spokesfish, otherwise known as “The Mouth.”) A witness —a brave surfer who paddled to the rescue —says Sharky didn’t seem remotely ambivalent, and was doing what powerful, flesh-eating animals with pointy teeth do: tucking in.
“Different species; different cultures,” philosophized MSNBC’s Joe Scarborough. That neoconservatives adopt the language of equivalence vis-a -vis man’s relationship with a man eater isn’t surprising. They have embraced many pink perversions (Andrew Sullivan does proud to Greenpeace and the Sierra Club). “Why do you think the Bush administration has such a blind spot on the environment?” Scarborough whinged at actor Robert Redford, who proceeded (with permission) to slime the president for taking pleasure in “shredding” nature. Bill O’Reilly and Joe Scarborough pounce on anyone who repudiates the invasion of Iraq for the moral, legal, and constitutional corruption that it is. But they openly allow liberals to slam Bush on the one issue he’s not that bad on: the environment (for one, his refusal to capitulate to the Kyoto-protocol crazies showed good judgment). Go figure.
Category Archives: Environmentalism & Animal Rights
Gaga For Gaia
Two bears have been prowling my neighborhood —out and about, high-spirited after hibernation, looking to have a Teddy Bear’s Picnic. Or so you’d believe if you dropped by from deep space and heard the well-coached mantras people repeat like automatons: “We have encroached on their habitat; they mean us no harm; don’t be such a speciesist; let them feast in peace; let’s live in harmony with nature.”
The problem is that the bears haven’t heard of these theories. Neither has the robust cougar population. The managerial state and its wild-life emissaries are responsible for breeding out healthy human habits—self defense, for one. But the hooey-spreading propagandists have failed to achieve similar results with the wild-animal population, now out of control. The proverbial wolf doesn’t yet dwell with the lamb nor does the leopard lie down with the kid. While Western man works to rid himself of the most basic ethical and sensible instincts, like defending his kinfolk, animals remain true to their nature. As surprising as it may seem, wild beasts still believe their pointy teeth and sharp claws are meant for ripping flesh—any flesh, the easier the better.
It makes perfect animal sense to attack a thing that is docile, slow, and passive, like the not very sapient Homo sapiens. It’s been decades since animals were aggressively repelled from human habitat, and they now “brazenly make themselves at home in manicured suburbs.” An unafraid animal is a dangerous animal; an unafraid human is an endangered fool.
And so, the casualties of animal attacks are shrugged off. There is nothing to learn. The only lessons learned, ala the odious Oprah, are a victim’s lessons of survival: plaudits to you for living to tell how you lost half your face. What a hero you are for curling up in the fetal position and pretending to be a porcupine! You punched Ursus americanus with your powder puff?! You go girl! A real man who greets a bear on the balcony with blazing guns is investigated. Did he Mirandize the bear? Was it a justified “homicide”?
Honest experts admit attacks are up because pinko policies—the kind that have placed animals and their haunts above humans and their habitat—have bred fearless critters. It used to be that men killed and hunted encroaching creatures. Thanks to decades of cultural queering and legal emasculation, men no longer have the urge to protect home and hearth. Instead, they now robotically spew the Sierra Club’s subliminal propaganda: as the true homesteaders of the planet, animals should inherit the earth. Humans come second.
Human beings should care for and be kind to animals. That’s ethical. But people’s safety and survival must always precede that of animals. A society that reverses this ethical order is philosophically primitive, base, and immoral. Indeed the antediluvian, wild-animal worship is thoroughly pagan, down to its human sacrifice.
Although our local wild-life officials admit that “there are increasing problems related to cougar and bear,” and that they “need to meet the increased calls for service,” they will not be preempting a bear attack in my neighborhood any time soon. Pulverizing far-away lands is the closest government comes to fulfilling its obligation to protect the people.