Uncle Sam Turns Tricks (& Stiffs Sex Workers)

Affirmative Action,Ethics,Etiquette,Feminism,Government,Military,Morality,Politics,Sex,The State

In “Uncle Sam Turns Tricks (& Stiffs Sex Workers),” the latest weekly column, I make a Modest Proposal. Here’s an excerpt:

“They seemed like complete stupid idiots. I was surprised that every time he [the Secret Service agent] danced with me, he lifted up his sweater so I could see [his ripped abs].”

Beefcake unburdened by brains is how Colombian call girl Dania Suárez described the Special Forces agents who solicited her services at the Hotel El Caribe in Cartagena, Colombia, prior to President Obama’s arrival in that country for the April, 2012, Summit of the Americas.

The “morons,” said the sassy Suárez, “drank liberally and acted boisterously, one of them jumping onto the bar.” Nor were they shy about petitioning Suárez and her sex-worker colleagues for favors.

Our boys abroad were clearly practiced pros.

Slightly more uplifting was the news that one of the married Secret Service agents who serves the president at the pleasure of the American taxpayer likes “normal sex.”

Kinky carnality, however, is preferable to a man who does not honor a contract. The agent refused to pay Suárez the $800 dollars he owed her, which is why this tempest in a C-Cup blew up in the first place.

Fortunately for the errant agent, “paid sex is legal in Cartagena.” Rather than call on a pimp, the prostitute petitioned local law enforcement for redress. A pimp would have likely worked the agent over good and proper.

All in all, a million here and there for a good time is nothing in the grand scheme of the tricks turned by the Empire’s foot-soldiers and stooges—and the toll these tricks take.

Come to think of it, if regular visits with prostitutes kept the political class from launching trillion-dollar war- and welfare programs, and financing Fanny, Freddy and the Fed—I would personally contribute to a prostitution fund for Washington whores.

The prostitutes would be the patriots. …”

Read the complete column, “Uncle Sam Turns Tricks (& Stiffs Sex Workers).”

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4 thoughts on “Uncle Sam Turns Tricks (& Stiffs Sex Workers)

  1. Stephen Hayes

    I have an idea of my own: Hire prostitutes for the SS and they can defray our costs by moonlighting while in foreign countries or when off duty anywhere. Absolutely no freebies for our own staff people. Everybody pays his or her fair share.

    Power + arrogance + stupidity + stinginess = what was it you said? Ethics training?

    My biggest complaint while working for the State and attending sexual harassment training was that you couldn’t get any on the job. Apparently, you can. It just depends on what job you have and where. Just remember to always pay the bill as agreed on.

  2. james huggins

    I dont do business with professional ladies but where I live most of the pimps seem to be bikers. Not just citizens who ride motorcycles but “bikers”, if you know what I mean. If some john tries to stiff one of their girls a couple of large, tattooed gents wearing engineer boots would arrive on the scene and do a tap dance on the guys head. We would find out how good the secret service is at hand to hand combat.

    [LOL. Too good for words.]

  3. lonegranger

    Your proposal is identical to the Planet of the Apes model.

    Slow-moving Pongos as Administrators/Executives, Dim-witted Gorillas as Enforcers, the spontaneous Pans as the Academics, and, of course the (a)pathetic self-indulgent Homos as the Losers.

    Humans have one interesting quality not shared with other Terran life forms – They can imagine a “real” world and then actually live in it!

    God, life is swell!

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