printMy column tonight is about MAC’s new mug. To those who want to watch the object of my philippic, knock yourself out. But be warned: it’s ugly (tonight’s column will salve, I promise). In any event, the unpleasant sub-topic of my column being ugly mouths, I’ve noticed that so many American women are cursed with those. If it’s not “misshapen, bulbous lips,” acquired in the rooms of plastic surgeons, to quote my forthcoming column, then it’s a snarling upper lip stretched over exposed teeth, so that while the woman yaps, her fangs are exposed like those of a feral animal. Now I’m not talking about the commendable American attention to dentitionyou know, that Austin Powers look. (Here are some amusing comments about the “Anglo-American dental gap.”) That’s a good thing; a function of our wealth. What I’m speaking of is a kind of deformity of facial bones, really, or at least an unappealing feature, conjuring painter Willem de Kooning’s portrayals. Paula Zahn, Monica Crawley, Sheryl Crow (who seems as sweet as she is untalented), Margaret Carlson, and many otherswatch them speak. They struggle to zip their lips over their (formidably big) teeth when talking.
I’ve read a little bit about Weston A. Price, who did studies on primitive versus modernized folks 80 or 90 (?) years ago… it was his theory (backed up by comparison photos, etc.) that the primitive tribes eating their native foods had perfect teeth, and usually wide faces and dental arches. Once the white man’s foods (white flour, white sugar, processed foods) were substituted for the native foods, dental anomalies started showing up in the next generation born after the introduction of such foods. He cited cases of people who didn’t have access to the dentistry available even back then (not even toothbrushes and toothpaste), and they had nice straight teeth. As for Sandra Bernhard, well, she probably got ridiculed a lot growing up, but she seems to have turned her strange looks into an asset in her work.
The lips that really gross me out are those of Angelina Jolie’s. Until very recently, she looked (to me) more like a kissing gourami than anything else. She looked to me like she had had collagen injections… I mean, most of us regular women don’t have lips that swollen, no matter how high the estrogen level might be when we’re young.
I think the issue is wealthy American women, especially celebrities, are getting their lips stuffed with silicone. What do you think is behind the look, Ilana?
Advertising moguls are usually either from New York or Southern California. Consequently their obvious sense of superiority sometimes shows through. This commercial’s political jab and lack of good taste plays well to that group. Hopefully, regular people will shove it up the noses of said advertisers and remind them that there are still ladies out there.
I knew an oboe player who got collagen shots to blow up her lips. She couldn’t play the oboe worth a damn anymore but she got even more work then before.
I happen to agree with you on 95% of what you write but you are wrong about Sheryl Crow. She is not untalented unless you don’t think she’s really all that sweet.
[At least Sean agrees with me. When she can compose and play like THIS, well, then, we’ll talk.]
By the way, I feel really useless just agreeing with you all the time. Why don’t you start writing some more about music so I can bust you one in the nose and have some fun?
[Try “Coldplay’s Contrapuntal Incompetence“]
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Supposedly, young women’s relatively full and pouty lips (when naturally that way) are that way in part because of their high estrogen levels; it’s supposedly one of those secondary sexual characteristics that just drive (some) men wild. When we women hit menopause, our lips thin out somewhat, because our estrogen levels drop (not sure whether or not estrogen replacement therapy keeps those lips nice and full).
Angelina Jolie’s lips, to me, have always looked way too enhanced to be natural. In many of her photographs, she looks like a kissing gourami. There’s just too much lip there to be believable as natural.
I know several men who think that Angelina has just the sexiest lips. Well, obviously, I don’t see the same things in her that they do.
BTW, Miss Jolie supposedly really, really wants to play the part of Dagny Taggart in Atlas Shrugged. I don’t know what the status of that is–I don’t think she’s right for the part. She comes across to me as all too much blatant sexuality and no brains, although I thought she did a good job in Tomb Raider.