It’s always good to see affirmative action—in particular, the delusion that women are just as qualified as men to be soldiers, security guards, firefighters and cops—hurt those who inflict it on non-believers. Instructive is the latest security breach at the White House—it saw 42-year-old Omar J. Gonzalez rush across the lawn and into the first family’s residence, where the trespasser was “confronted by a female Secret Service agent, who [sic] he overpowered.”

Just the other day, in WA, a shackled and dangerous offender smacked his guard—a lady officer—and went on the lam.

When it comes to the the White House’s security detail, my Swiftian suggestion, in 2012, was this:

Go ape on affirmative action in the Secret Service. Not only should women and minorities be well-represented among the parasites’ security details; but they should be overrepresented. Adjust admission tests, physical and cognitive. Make the Police Officer Selection Test (POST) easier. Or admit the desired gender and race with still lower scores. Drop the IQ requirements by two standard deviations, if necessary! And a bull’s eye on the target be damned. Sharpshooters of the new, “improved” intake needn’t drop an attacker; they can settle for grazing him. Aiming the firearm in the general direction of the assailant will suffice. ALSO, support the super obese for the Secret Service too. Smother D.C. sons-of-guns in mountains of protective flesh, female, male or other.

In any event, it’s unclear why the news-consuming public, such as it is, would be so cut up about a breach or two in the White House’s formidable protections. Working for government ought to be one of the most dangerous jobs ever. Occupational hazard might get us a better class of parasite.