printToday [Aug 21, 2006], a mysterious package arrived from Volkswagen. In it was a gloriously ugly onyx gargoyle with the following instructions for the driver of that devil, the GTI:
Dear Ms. Ilana Mercer,
This is your fast. Make sure it gets plenty of exercise.
All the best,
Volkswagen
Here [4/11/022: this was banned, for obvious, #MeToo reasons] you can view some ads with “fast” in the background. Lefty magazines have crowed about the anti-fem angle of the commercials. The emphasis on speed has displeased the same habitual joy killers: “irresponsible” they call it.
But these are my thoughts exactly: “Stop yakking; I can’t hear the engine roar.”
Volkswagen has tapped into something. “Fast” sounds a lot like my alter ego when I drive Turbo-Toad (that’s my GTI). My husband will attest to the fact that, as welcome as “Fast” is on the dashboard—ears pinned back by the wind (“they channel air away from fast’s face and off his back,” says the instruction pamphlet “Fast” came with)—I didn’t need him to remind me of my mission when driving the GTI.
Update: Pursuant to the comments hereunder, I have to ask, Why is the love of fast, fabulous cars equated with youth and folly? This country worships youth and thinks of looking good, having fun, or driving a fast car as the prerogatives of youth. Rubbish. Besides which mature drivers who’ve been on the road for a while are the real good drivers. By the way, as this great article makes clear, the GTI is just a magnificent car. Not only does it have a tremendously powerful, brilliantly engineered engine, it is accoutered with safety features and luxuries absent in many a sports car. As for my being a bit childish; big deal. So where was I? Fast comes with 4 tails. He has the devilish badboy tail on today; I may change it soon.
(Be sure to rev up with the preceding blog post, Glorious GTI)
Looks like a sexy ride. Hope you enjoy it. I wonder if it’s reliable. According to Wikipedia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Volkswagen), by 2005 Volkswagen was at the bottom of Consumer Reports and J.D. Power reliability rankings. Reliability is so important to me. I’ve always wanted a Volkswagen. It may be my next choice of car.
Dear Ace,
As a middle aged gentleman I understand, and certainly approve of, having fun while enjoying a second fling at youth. (Or a third one.) Sounds like you’re having some well earned fun. Knock yourself out and don’t listen to the fuddy duddies.
Haha, ‘Fast’. That has to be one of the best ad slogans – and names – for a ‘character’ that I can think of. The stuff that VW is writing about ‘Fast’ is funny because of how tongue-in-cheek and downright silly it is. [I don’t think it’s silly; it’s quite clever. Besides, I’m having too much fun.]
I’m 47. Is that middle aged?
My daily driver can go 1/4 mile in less than 13 seconds, is capable of insanely high top speed, gets 26 mpg highway, and has elbow room. It’s what I wanted in a car. Is that a second fling at youth? Maybe I just never grew up, I’ve always loved muscle cars.
–John Danforth–