So says Joan Rivers about Madonna’s oeuvre.

She, Madonna, keeps saying that Lady Gaga stole all her stuff. How can you steal a rash? Certain things you can’t steal.


She wasn’t showing off her nipple [in Turkey], she was showing off her ankle bracelet, at her age. I know the doctor who did Madonna’s fine body: Irving Schwartz. He did her and Kathy Bates.

Joan Rivers is brilliant. The Madonna-cum-Gaga claptrap is a rash. The one entertainer has accused the other younger version of herself of stealing her two-chord hump-along ditty. Both have been richly rewarded for the hideous bedroom noises they emit. To be honest, equally unintelligent, I think Gaga is slightly more talented, if that’s saying anything.

But, as a studio musician explained to me, this T & A line-up (Talor Swift, the Britney Spears of country music is included here) would be reduced to embarrassing grunts, out-of-tune yelps, and bedroom whispers, if not for the Auto-Tune, the “holy grail of recording,” that “corrects intonation problems in vocals or solo instruments, in real time, without distortion or artifacts.”

UPDATE (June 15): SENSUALITY VS. VULGARITY. To Nick’s sharp Comment-Section observation: Are men still able to distinguish true sensuality from vulgarity? Back in the day, women knew how to exude the first quality. It invariably involved a hint of something, not a show of all you had. You just know that being in bed with Gaga or Madonna is the most frightening experience for a man. And, you can be sure that they fake IT. Sensuality involves the ability to transcend yourself; these creatures are pathologically narcissistic.

13 thoughts on “UPDATED: ‘You Can’t Steal A Rash’ (SENSUALITY VS. VULGARITY)

  1. james huggins

    Madonna? Gaga? Jessica Simpson? Paris Hilton? Ad nauseum. When I was a college freshman I saw an artistic lady performing in the French Quarter in New Orleans. As I recall her name was something like “Tillie the Tallahasie Tassel Tosser”. I’ll let the readers imagine what her specialty was. Anyway, I believe Tillie, all 200 lbs of her, had more talent than this whole crop of insipid Hollywood “trollops of the month” put together.

    [Here, here, Tillie.]

  2. Jack Kerwick

    The Psalmist: “A beautiful woman without grace or eloquence is like a fine ring through the snout of a pig.”

    How true. I am amazed by the ease with which an otherwise physically attractive woman can almost instantly transform herself into a beast before my very eyes with just a little classless conduct.

  3. Nick

    Madonna and GaGa like to think of themselves as sexy, but the one thing I’ve found out by watching them perform (and I’ve seen Madonna perform live): their movements and convulsions are sterile and sexless.
    A woman doesn’t need an elaborate costume or questionable moral fiber to be sexy. I present to you this

    [See Post Update.]

  4. Dan Jeffreys

    Thank you for including Taylor Swift in there. I never cared for her “singing” and loathed her after her butchered performance of a duet with the amazing Stevie Nicks at the Grammy Awards a couple of years back. [Do post a link to that!]

  5. james huggins

    Sensuality or vulgarity? When I look at an old movie and see someone like Cyd Charisse or Ava Gardener I understand sensuality. When I see someond like Madonna or Lady Gaga I just wonder if all my shots are current.

  6. Rebel Without a Clause

    These bimbos are all about de-sublimation, which is the essential purpose of the contemporary, Left, Culture of Death: abortion, porn, homosex, stem cell, euthanasia, pedophilia, bestiality. An acid eating way the glue that holds a civilization together.

  7. Nell Bowen

    Well, Mad-donna’s ex did say sleeping with her was like being with a cold fish. I wasn’t surprised.

  8. Greg

    I’m 49 years old and I remember when Madonna came on the scene in the early 1980’s. I never thought she was beautiful or talented. I think she is gross. Glad to see I am not the only one who sees it. Gaga is a joke as far as I am concerned. The tastes of the public is in the gutter.

  9. Robert Glisson

    I’ve never been a fan of anyone in entertainment. Elvis did some good songs, John Wayne made some good movies, etc. But it has always been the product, not the person as far as I’m concerned.I’ve never understood what the fuss is all about. Still don’t. If they can entertain, fine, if not, bye. It’s the idiots that chase after them that I find contemptible.

  10. Dan Jeffreys

    Ilana, I didn’t post a link up originally due to being unable to find anything of very good quality. Of course as bad as Taylor Swift sounds live, that’s not saying much. This is a low quality recording from you tube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z4s4-wEMWAY you can skip to about 1:30 as I wouldn’t wish to subject anyone to listening to more of Taylor Swift than necessary. As I said, it’s a low quality video but you’ll get the gist of it. Without the help of the auto tune she just sounds like a silly teenage girl be-bopping to the radio in her boyfriend’s Firebird. Stevie Nicks on the other hand, even in her 60’s is still amazing.

  11. Johnny Reb

    Yes, dear Ilana there are still some of us men who understand what true sensuality is. These puerile, deviant tarts do not and cannot. The reason being, sensuality comes out of sexual restraint. These women have none therefore all they have to offer is vulgarity and eroticism. A lamentable fate for the current generation of women.

    For a magnificent example skip to the 9:15 mark:


  12. Nick

    In response to your question, I am inclined to believe that a vast majority of men do (tragically) find the T&A freakshow attractive. I seem to be as much in the minority on this subject as in the political arena.
    I’d like to touch on the subject on whether market success is indicative of artistic merit, a topic which you’ve discussed before. I remember you saying that market success is not in any case related to artistic quality. While this might be true right now, I recently started entertaining the idea that government-orchestrated social engineering, through its relentless efforts to turn people into brainless consumers (the ideal Keynesian citizen), rather than the producer cum consumer of a truly free market has created the modern man’s lack of taste and preference for quick satiation of the need for entertainment.
    While enjoying a complex song or film might require some effort on the part of the audience, the drivel coming from Hollywood and Big Music tends to be bombastic and capsulated to the point where it’s almost brainless.
    This is why I contend that the greatest TV show of modern times is ‘The Sopranos.’ It was a show which made a point of NOT spoon-feeding everything to the audience. I remember having to snoop around for the hidden subtexts in each episode.
    Well, that was a long post. It’s still a nascent idea, but I might develop it in the future. If you would like so, Mrs. Mercer, you might take it and develop it yourself. Lord knows I’m not exactly swimming in free time.

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