printA girl has to have some fun: In my new WND.COM column, “And Now For Something Completely Different,” I invite you to laugh along about the EO (The European Onion), “A-Jad,” Geithner (the gift that keeps giving), and Obama who “never runs out of things to say, only things worth saying”:
“Although Obama has appointed more czars in six months than Russia’s Romanov Dynasty had occasion to anoint over three centuries, he is still missing a Vegetable Czar. If he acts quickly, Barack might be able to recruit a cheap VC with experience from The European Onion (formerly the EU).
The EO has been regulating fresh produce for quite some time. Duly, the Brussels Sprouts that run the Continent had barred “curly cucumbers, crooked carrots and mottled mushrooms – any odd-looking fruit and vegetables” — from Europe’s markets and supermarkets
But things are about to change. As the BBC News reported in a burst of good cheer, “July 1 marks the return to our shelves of the curved cucumber and the knobbly carrot.” Indeed, Agriculture Commissioner Mariann Fischer Boel has finally disavowed the rules that were introduced to ensure common standards among EU vegetables, “but are regarded by critics as examples of Euro-madness.”
Said the Patron Saint of ‘wonky’ vegetables…”
The complete column is “And Now For Something Completely Different.”
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I remember Daniel Hannan also commenting on this absurd regulation. And to think that the Europhiles want us to believe that the EU (okay “EO”) aren’t power-mad control freaks.
Three cheers for curly cucumbers and knobbly carrots! It’s a victory for vegetables! Freedom at last ….
I’m a bit nonplussed (I don’t really know what that means but I see it a lot so I think it’s probably a good thing to throw in once in a while for color; sort of like “as it were”) that there are no czarinas in the government, only czars. In my family, my wife is the Laundry and Shopping Czarina and she lets me be the Garbage and Everything Dangerous Czar. I thought the President and the EO were more evenhanded than they seem to be. Did you know that “czar” comes from “caesar?” Wow! So how come they don’t use other royal titles that are just as good?
How about Methane Emperor or Sludge King or Manufacturing Effluents Queen or Edible Fungus Prince? These titles add variety to these important posts as well as give people a break fro trying to pronounce the difficult letter combination “cz.”
[More please! LOL]
I was thinking how funny things would be if we were on a different planet merely watching Earth as a sitcom. People have mentioned how A-Jad resembles comedian Bob Denver of Gilligan’s Island and Dobie Gillis. Dick Cheney could have his torture hour with his sidekicks Alfredo Gonzales and John Yoo. Geithner, Bernanke, and Summers would be the Three Stooges of the economy. Sarah gets her hockey mom Supergirl show. But the top rated show will be a revival of the old TV show, “The Millionaire”, http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0047758/ , where the hero gave away one million dollars – this can be updated to our Trillionaire Messiah who saves auto jobs, makes perfect climate, creates peace, educates illiterates, and solves everyone’s health care in different episodes. Unfortunately, we all have to live in this Twilight Zone and can’t turn off the set!
In honor of the 40th anniversary of the lunar landing, I can think of the lines of poet E. E. Cummings, “We doctors know a hopeless case if — listen: there’s a hell of a good universe next door; let’s go”
Health Care Part Deux: I think Comrade O is selling us the knobbly carrots from Britain. Seems like only in America do we have a vice comrade saying “We have to spend the money so we don’t go bankrupt.” Okay, America and Zimbabwe. Times like this I think of a great exchange on Star Trek between Spock and McCoy: McCoy says he would like to see his own brain waves imprinted on to a computer. Spock says, “So would I, Doctor. The resulting flood of illogic would be most entertaining.”
From Comrades O and B, and their faithful dog, Timothy, we get: The stimulus is working. The economy is getting worse, Unemployment will rise. We on the road to recovery. We have to spend the money or go bankrupt. American bonds are a safe investment. We have to deal with these deficits. We need to pass health care now or never. More stimulus. We fixed the car industry. We fixed the banks. We fixed the election. Somebody buy something, for heavensakes!
All I can think of now is — what about crookneck squash? Can we still get those?
Almost always enjoy your columns – this is no exception… reminds me of the fiasco of ‘ugly tomatoes’ a few years ago grown here in Florida and attempted to be shipped elsewhere…
Geithner? The gift that keeps on giving?
Sounds like an STD.
Maybe we could apply the EO regulation to politicians. You know, keep the straight ones and throw out the crooked ones. But, how would we know? Well, I mean, how would the rest of you know? I already know. That’s it — I’ll choose and then let you know. I’ll get back to you.
Ilana, if anyone failed to see the humor in your column yesterday, they must be dead. It was perhaps one of the funniest pieces I have read in a while.
I wish that I could write with the same humor and clarity that marks your writings. Especially the clarity.
Oh well, some have it, some do not. I fall into the later category.
My union buddies are all in a tither over contract negotiations this year. They are worried that the company is going to make us pay part of our health care premiums. I told one in particular, not to worry…Obamacare will take care of us. What ever happened to “we the people”? Perhaps it should be “we the sheeple”!
Ilana, surely it was a slip of the tongue. I’m sure he meant to say the Mao Clinic.
Mic Lawler