printThe excerpt is from my new WND.COM column, “On Boobs And Balloons”:
“If you needed incontrovertible proof that homegrown retardation is far more pressing a problem than homegrown terrorism in modern-day America – 6-year-old Falcon Heene’s flight of fancy provided it.
The contagion that gripped the nation began on Oct. 15. Anyone turning on the boob tube was treated to a live broadcast of a levitating dome-shaped ‘homemade flying saucer.’
MSNBC’s David ‘Shyster’ informed his unfortunate viewers, matter-of-fact, that the small son of Richard and Mayumi Heene of Fossil Ridge Road in Fort Collins, Colo., had climbed into a carriage attached to the helium-filled contraption, which had become untethered. Boy and balloon were now scaling heights of 10,000 feet. …
Other TV entertainment outlets masquerading as news media hawked the Falcon pie-in-the-sky as fact. If anything, both the authorities and the media proceeded from the premise that Falcon was in fact flying two miles above them, rather than hiding somewhere on terra firma.
When you’re slothful, stout and stupid, it’s easier to look to the heavens than search high-and-low below. …”
The complete column is “On Boobs And Balloons.” If you miss it on WND.COM, be sure to catch it on Taki’s Magazine on the weekend.
Update I (Oct. 23): A NOTE FROM NASA. Edifying too:
Ilana,
It amazes me how the media are constantly duped by attention seekers such as these. I was at work when this was occurring and just like the rest of the fools out there, had to find out more what was going on.
Having launched hundreds of weather balloons, my initial reaction was “no way could a 6 year old boy be lifted by that balloon.”
If you use some math to deduce how much weight a 15 foot high and 5 foot wide balloon could lift at that altitude using helium gas, you come up with about 30 pounds. Not too may 6 year old boys weigh 30 lbs.
We were switching the channels at work to watch the coverage and noticed even the Weather Channel was carrying this. Now, did they use some basic buoyancy equations to figure out the impossibility of a boy being lifted by this balloon? Of course not! But then again the Weather Channel is now owned by NBC, so what do you expect.
Enjoy your articles!
Mark
Johnson Space Center
Update II (Oct. 24): I feel sorry for the Heene woman; she looks so sad. There are times when its obvious a brassy woman pretending to be abused is anything but. In this case, it’s plain to me that Mayumi Heene, while perhaps not abused, is certainly subservient to her husband. Via Drudge:
The mother of the 6-year-old boy once feared missing inside a runaway helium balloon admitted the whole saga was a hoax, according to court documents released Friday.
Mayumi Heene told sheriff’s deputies that she and her husband Richard “knew all along that Falcon was hiding in the residence” in Fort Collins, according to an affidavit used to get a search warrant for the home.
She allegedly told investigators the incident was a hoax meant to make them more marketable to the media.
Update III (Oct. 24): The column has been titled deliciously “Hyper Inflation” on Taki’s and appended with appropriately odious images. Added are some must-read links.
Loved “adjectival ejaculate”…very funny!
What I found most aggravating was that no one evaluated the balloon as to whether it could even lift the weight of the child in question.
So thorough was the analysis of this event that they didn’t even question whether the balloon was capable of lifting a child into the upper atmosphere.
OK Ilana, I am a pig and followed your link to “exposed appendages.” Gross!
‘ When you’re slothful, stout and stupid, it’s easier to look to the heavens than search high-and-low below. …”’ Ilana
Forgive? I’m trying.
Great, Ilana, that your article brought in the other major news story of the day, Ms. McCain’s “appendages.” McCain, The (Bal)Loon family and that other “flyer” of several years ago who was told to cover up by a Southwest Airlines flight attendant exhibit that Me!Me!Me! narcissism that Americans seem to love.
Speaking of McCain, and this relates also to the post below, great for anything that Bachmann, Palin, and others might do to really drive a wedge (or more than one) into the Republican Party. The “Big Tent” should be deflated like Heene’s balloon. [Sounds almost scientific, doesn’t it? Heisenberg’s Hook…]
America’s Best Political Columnist
Written by James Ostrowski on October 23, 2009 – 3:39 pm –
On boobs and balloons
By Ilana Mercer
October 23, 2009
You might notice this article and rightful credit on “Political Class Dismissed”
“America’s Best Political Columnist
Written by James Ostrowski on October 23, 2009 – 3:39 pm –
On boobs and balloons
By Ilana Mercer
October 23, 2009”
I wholeheartedly second that motion
In this case, it’s plain to me that Mayumi Heene, while perhaps not abused, is certainly subservient to her husband.
Indeed. It was evident from day one that all roads lead to the husband, who has some sort of pathological narcissism, taking the family for a ride whether they like it or not.
My quick assessment of the past decade: everything got a lot dumber. I find this sort of media circus — an unholy union between reality TV and TV news — largely to blame. As people become inured to each successive level of bottom-feeding stupidity, the news media respond by lowering the bar a little further in order to keep their attention. The effect is that the CNN of 10 years ago would now appear completely foreign to us.
We have a government which wants to confiscate guns and arrests chemo patients who smoke pot –
e.g. people who do no harm to others. We have a government that will confiscate your property for a shopping mall or football stadium.
Will the government take action against this creep who was responsible for shutting down Denver airport and tying up tens of thousans of dollars of taxpayer provided emergency services for his narcissitic hoax?
Sometimes, it is truly a mind-addling experience to behold the depths of “illogical logic” that some are all too eager to plummet to, in the name of publicity, for money or even for an opportunity. I am quite certain that the Heene family Mensa-reject patriarch didn’t have living in infamy or even facing federal charges in mind, when he concocted such a disastrous act of abject tomfoolery. When I hear of circus clown antics of this caliber, it really causes me to wonder if the Gene Pool would not benefit from a good hyper-chlorination. *sigh*