Liberals are especially slow on the uptake. Some outside CNN amd MSNBC, however, have begun to cock a snook at the Obama faithful who fawn over His every utterance and action.
“Our president can’t launch into another war without you. And remember: when we voted for him in 2008 and 2012, we promised to support him no matter what.”
“That’s why we here at the ‘Americans for Whatever Barack Obama Wants, Did You Know He’s Friends With Jay-Z?’ have launched a Kickstarter campaign to fund World War III.”
“And America is dead-ass broke, so our goal is to raise $1.6 trillion on behalf of the U.S. government.”
“That’s where you come in.”
“Even a small donation will make all the difference.”
“World War III is a very important, very progressive war that Obama tells me is very important. So it must be.”
“When I first saw the President speak in 2008 in a YouTube clip posted to my Facebook page, I knew he was going to be right all the time. So I support World War III, and IV, and any moon war the President may want to start.”
“I mean, there is no way that he or the cabal of corporate interests, spy agencies, and shadow bankers who tell him what to do would ever mislead us.”
“The $1.6 trillion that we raise will help create a war that truly puts the liberal in neo-liberal. There will be millions of troops, thousands of organic, grass-fed bombs, hybrid Prius tanks, rockets controlled by iPads, and drones that play the Lumineers while they attack.”
“World War III is not going to be like those other Republican wars fought on just 1 percent of the world. This war is going to be fought on 99 percent of the world.”
“It will be everywhere: Russia, China, Africa, Cincinnati, your favorite brunch spot — the one with those kickass ranchero breakfast burritos.”
“World War III will also be the most social media-focused war ever. It’ll be all over Twitter, Facebook, Vine, Pinterest, and whatever eventually replaces Pinterest, and I mean, just think of all the hilarious skits we can make of cats reacting to their owners’ homes being obliterated.”
“Lots of shock, but tons of awww.”
“And come on, guys, how good will Michelle’s arms look in sleeveless Army fatigues?”
“We have a lot of great rewards for our donors. If you donate $10 to the World War III project, you’ll get a shout out on social media.”
“Hashtag #thankyou!”
“A $25 donation will get you a piece of rubble from a war-torn Middle Eastern country, kissed by Sen. Lindsay Graham.”
“A $100 donation gets you a day pass to leave your local refuge camp.”
“You’ll probably end up in a refuge camp, but it’ll have free Wifi.”
“And a $10 million donation gets you your own Senator for a year.”
“So please, help us reach our goal of $1.6 trillion so we can make World War III a reality. Why? Because Obama.”
“Because Obama.”
