Category Archives: Comedy & Humor

‘Vocal Fry’ and ‘Uptalk’: On The North American Woman’s Ghastly, Gravely Voice

Aesthetics, Comedy & Humor, Feminism, Gender

Talking in “staccato tart tones” is how I’ve always described the American Woman’s gravelly voice. These days, it’s improper to suggest that the sound emitted from the gobs of tele-ditzes, and lots of other women, is just vile.

So the famous Economist column, “Johnson,” is explaining the politically proper terms for this audial assault.  Incidentally. Dr. Samuel Johnson, the ultra-conservative polymath after whom this liberal column is named, would have taken his cane to any woman who addressed him in such “staccato tart tones.

Two vocal features are associated with young women: vocal fry and uptalk. Uptalk, as the name suggests, is the rising intonation that makes statements sound like questions? And vocal fry—often said to be typical of Kim Kardashian, an American celebrity—happens at the ends of words and phrases when a speaker’s vocal chords relax, giving the voice a kind of creaky quality (a bit like something frying in a pan).
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From these descriptions, an alien observer would be bemused to learn that these harmless phenomena drive some people to scorn, or even anger. But they do. When Christine Blasey Ford testified to the Senate Judiciary Committee that Brett Kavanaugh, Donald Trump’s nominee to the Supreme Court, had sexually assaulted her, some viewers were so infuriated by her speaking style that they denounced it on Twitter: “Christine Blasey Ford’s little girl voice…vocal fry, and uptalk worse than clubbed toenails down a chalkboard.” …

… And men fry all the time, too. Critics of the fry-panic have discovered it in the back catalogues of George W. Bush, Kurt Cobain (who was the lead singer for Nirvana, a grunge-rock band), and Ira Glass (an American radio host). None are known as sexy babies.

Moreover, vocal fry is, in a way, uptalk’s technical opposite. It tends to happen when speakers are relaxing their voices to try to make them sound deeper than they naturally are.

THE REST: Johnson: “Women’s voices are judged more harshly than men’s: Assailed for imaginary vocal foibles, women walk a thin line between shrill and mannish.”

UPDATED: Trump’s Stand-Up Letter Puts Pelosi In Her Place. It’s Funny, Too.

Comedy & Humor, Democrats, Donald Trump, Foreign Policy

Fifth-grade tit-for-tat is what practically all the tele-pundits are calling President Trump’s classic rejoinder to prissy Nancy Pelosi’s bullying. (She’s threatening to cancel his State of the Union address, out of spite.) Nonsense. It’s comic. Vintage Trump. Let’s have more of the same.

The Honorable Nancy Pelosi
Speaker of the House of Representatives
Washington, D.C. 20515

Dear Madame Speaker:

Due to the Shutdown, I am sorry to inform you that your trip to Brussels, Egypt, and Afghanistan has been postponed. We will reschedule this seven-day excursion when the Shutdown is over. In light of the 800,000 great American workers not receiving pay, I am sure you would agree that postponing this public relations event is totally appropriate. I also feel that, during this period, it would be better if you were in Washington negotiating with me and joining the Strong Border Security movement to end the Shutdown. Obviously, if you would like to make your journey by flying commercial, that would certainly be your prerogative.

I look forward to seeing you soon and even more forward to watching our open and dangerous Southern Border finally receive the attention, funding, and security it so desperately deserves!

Sincerely,

Donald J. Trump

UPDATE:

UPDATED (10/10/018): Kavanaugh ‘Gang Rape-Rooms’ Fantasist Julie Swetnick: A Vetted, Decorated US Government Worker

Affirmative Action, Comedy & Humor, Donald Trump, Egalitarianism, Feminism, Gender, Government, Labor

The most preposterous of Justice Brett Kavanaugh’s accusers was Julie Swetnick, who is or was a career federal-government employee and a “decorated” one at that.

What does this tell Americans about the quality of the civil servants in their government?

You might counter that the Swetnick case is an isolated incident, but the following is axiomatic; we all know this to be true:

The American government is riddled with set-asides, preferential hiring practices and affirmative action, which compromise an already compromised institution (The State).

NYP:

Swetnick  holds “active clearances” for her work with the US Department of Treasury, US Mint and Internal Revenue Service.

She said she also previously had security clearances with the US Department of State, Department of Justice, Department of Homeland Security and Customs and Border Protection.

An active security clearance means Swetnick has been subjected to a stringent background investigation that deemed her qualified to have access to “classified national security information … so long as the person has a need to know the information,” according to the State Department website.

More shameful is that The Economist (a real news organization) was uncritical about Swetnick’s credentials. If they were minted by the US government, well then, her credentials must be stand for something:

… the latest of [the judge’s accusers] has multiple security clearances and signed an affidavit, under penalty of perjury, that she was gang raped at a party that Mr Kavanaugh attended.

See “Truth and consequences: American politics after a year of #MeToo.”

UPDATE (10/10/018):

Scary to be a boy:

FBI Report:

Senator Collins shone:

 

So did the “Sergeant-at-Arms:

Diane Feinstein:

You can’t fix ugly:

Or diabolical: NOT SURE WHY THE WRITER WON’T state the obvious: “THIS IS WHAT WOMEN OF THE LEFT SOUND LIKE.” Still, good enough for an incomplete deduction

Ana Navarro:

Appeasement already?

A Deal Breaker Or Just An Ice-Breaker? Brett Kavanaugh Threw Ice In … 1985

Comedy & Humor, Culture, Democrats, The Courts

As if drinking beer in college were not bad enough, Brett Kavanaugh had taken student life to a whole new level: ice tossing at a bar.

Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh was accused of throwing ice at a man during an altercation at a bar while in college. A report released Tuesday by police in New Haven, Connecticut, says Kavanaugh was questioned after the 1985 incident, but wasn’t arrested.

(CBS News, Your Trusted Fake-News Outlet.)

Maybe Kavanaugh was just a different kind of ice-breaker?