The following is from my new WND column, “Picnic Time For Teddy Bears”:
“A man from my neck of the woods was mauled by a bear. A politician, to be more accurate. John Chelminiak, who is alive but disfigured for life, is a Bellevue City Councilman. Bellevue is a wealthy suburb of Seattle. When he was attacked, the councilman was at his ‘vacation cabin’ at Lake Wenatchee, in central Washington.
Chelminiak described the sounds of his cranium cracking as the black bear chomped down on it. Bears eat their prey alive. At least Chelminiak spared us the familiar, ‘No one knows why she attacked.’ ‘Bears rarely attack human beings.’ Or, ‘Before taking ‘measures’ against him, the bear community had issued fair warning about the Timothy Treadwell nuisance factor.’
Before he was gobbled up by an Alaskan brown bear, Treadwell had been pursuing a career as a bear whisperer. He had Hollywood ambitions too. Treadwell spent 13 seasons in the Alaskan Katmai National Park. There he whiled the days away filming himself crawling around with grizzlies. His bleach-blond locks were always carefully coiffed for the camera, or covered with a bandana. The brown bears seemed indifferent to Treadwell’s cooing and clucking routine.
Unbeknown to Timothy, who was usually able to read the minds of bears, one, not-so little teddy had made a mental note to himself: ‘if the porridge pickings are slim, come winter, come back for Goldie Locks.’ And that’s precisely what Ursus Arctos Horribilis did. For good measure, the bear consumed Timothy’s girlfriend, who had come to the park to break-up with bear boy.” …
The complete column, now on WND.COM, is “Picnic Time For Teddy Bears.”
Read my libertarian manifesto, Broad Sides: One Woman’s Clash With A Corrupt Society.
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