Sometimes the nastiest, unhealthiest Chinese candy, just shy of toxic, is what the doctor ordered. It’s what this household seeks out every Halloween. Candy too nasty for adults to consume is still legal at Fred Meyer, that great American supermarket.
If it’s in the house, chocolate fiends like myself will consume bad chocolate like Kit Kat or Hershey’s. So for Halloween, we look to China. The kids love the body parts candy on offer. None has yet to die.
The Freaky Fingers purple and green, for example, contain sugar, corn syrup, Sorbitol, gelatin, corn starch, malic acid, pectin, artificial preservatives like Potassium sorbate, and artificial colorants like Red, Blue, Yellow 5 and 6. Candy that’s just dandy for kids.
We’re up front about what we offer, thanks to explicit labeling that includes a “Chocking Hazard” alert on the wrappers.
In the case of Halloween candy, made-in-china is magnificent, so no tariffs on bad candy form China, Donald Trump.
Just as I was setting the stuff out, I heard one of Fox News’ female fascist “experts” advise parents to call the … cops if they spot untoward candy, presumably like the stuff our household puts out.
And we call China a police state.
Anyhoooo, as The Simpsons’ Mr. Barnes would say, there are leftovers, if you’d like some for your kid. The candy only expires in May of 2016.